Lanark Gives Lane an Intervention

[Location: England.  Time: Friday afternoon.  The Situation: Lane (The Importance of Being Earnest) and Paul Lanark (Amsterdam) are both shopping at their local Costco when they accidentally collide and are forced to begin a conversation:

Lane: My apologies, good sir.  I didn't see you rounding that corner.
Lanark: No problem at all, chap.
Lane: Say, you haven't seen any cucumbers in this place, have you?  You see, "there were no cucumbers in the market this morning" (8).
Lanark: No, I'm afraid I haven't, and I've purchased items from all throughout the store.  "I suppose you'd call it sampling" (178).
Lane: Oh well, thank you for your help.  OH MY, WHAT IS THAT DREADFUL BEAST THAT RESTS UPON YOUR SHOULDER?!?
Lanark: That is "the Flea itself"!!! (178).  Quickly! Swat it away!
Lane: No.
Lanark: Why not?
Lane: I don't want to.
Lanark: Why?
Lane: "I didn't think it polite" (1).
Lanark: But that is a flea, which would of course care little for the manners of men.
Lane: I never think it a good idea to swat fleas, sir.  One day, they may swat back.
Lanark: Are you attempting to befriend that flea?
Lane: Well, yes, I suppose.  "I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left.  I'm gonna get real weird with it." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia).
Lanark: What? In Costco? I absolutely refuse to listen to such dreadful talk. Good day.
Lane: Good morrow, sir.