The Hobo

College.  A bastion of higher education.  A place where students gather from around the world to better themselves academically.  With these thoughts in mind, I entered my first college class at the University of Richmond, a creative writing class.  The day prior, I had asked my host student, Will, what classes he had the next day.  He listed them off: "Organic Chemistry, Integrated Physiology... oh, and Creative Writing" he shakes his head vigorously with this final addition, suggesting that Creative Writing comes far from recommended.  As a visiting student, though, I want to experience the full range of college classes.

So despite the warning, I awake early that morning to attend Creative Writing.  I'm barely in my seat when the professor announces that we will be having a special class today - each student will be assigned a person (a faculty member, university employee, etc.) to interview and write a short biography for.  I, personally, fail to see the "Creative" aspect of this Creative Writing assignment, but I go along.  As the professor doles out our interviewees, I take a quick peek at the slip of paper that Will gets - Dr. Vaughn, Pre-Health Advisor.  That seems reasonable.  I glance down at my own slip - The Hobo.  That's all it says.  I lean over to Will: "There must be some mistake.  I... uhhh... I got a hobo.  Well, not even a hobo. The Hobo."  Will assures me that this is, in fact, a real, specific person: "He's a famous hobo that always walks around on campus.  The employees have tried to force him to leave, but he always comes back, so they've just given up by now."  Come on.  I have to interview a hobo.  The professor then hands us a list of questions to ask and sends us on our respective journeys.

As soon as leave, however, I realize I have no idea where I am going.  Where am I supposed to find a hobo? I need to think like a hobo.  My hobo self theorizes that perhaps I will find my man outside of the dining hall, looking for food that students don't want as they walk out.  Bingo.  I spot my hobo as I draw near to the dining hall exit.  He certainly looks the part - there would be no confusing him with your average student, with his long, dirty-looking hair.  Gathering my courage, I approach The Hobo and ask if I can interview him.  He accepts, swelling with pride when I dub him a "campus celebrity."  Only then do I open my piece of paper and examine the questions.  Upon seeing them, I realize that this will be an incredibly awkward interview.  Here is an approximate transcript:

Me: "So what is your name?"
Hobo: "Jermaine."
Me: "So what do you do for a living, Jermaine?"
Jermaine: "Nothing.  I wander around looking for money or food."
Me: "Yeah, sorry, I totally knew that.  I just have these questions I have to ask... So, where do you live?"
Jermaine: "The streets."
Me: "Yeah, again, I sort of knew that.  Sorry I have to ask these.  This is weird.  So, what do you think is your most important contribution to the university?"
Jermaine: "Well, sometimes when kids throw a half eaten candy bar on the ground, I'll pick it up and eat the rest.  So I sorta clean stuff up, I guess."
My thoughts: "Quick, Alex, pretend that that's not repulsive.  Say something encouraging."
Me: "That's great, a regular environmentalist.  You should get paid to do that.  One last question: where do you see yourself in ten years?"
Jermaine: "Dead."
My thoughts: "Dammit, the man's suicidal.  He'll probably kill me first.  Pretend it's a joke.  A really funny one...  Oh, sweet mercy, he's smiling.  It was a joke.  Laugh with him."
Jermain: "I'm just messin' with you man - I think in ten years I'll have a nice job at this school, cleaning the gardens or something."
Me: "Well, Jermaine, I certainly hope you do.  Thanks for your time."

Of course, I didn't even have to write the biography, because I left the next day.  I certainly experienced a college class at its most quirky and terrifying, though.  This assignment, whether it intended to or not, really captured a lot of what college is all about - it forced me to step outside of my comfort zone, meet new people, and experience the reality of the outside world.  I hated it.  But I want more.