Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness

Although I like the new requirement of a picture for every blog post, to be honest it hasn't really contributed that much to the posts.  Pictures are thrown in at the end of a post, a quick afterthought added to fulfill a obligation.  I'll admit to doing this a few times.  With that in mind, I decided for this post to use a picture as the focus of my blog.  First, some background - I was watching t.v. last week, flipping through the channels when I stopped on a show I had never seen before, called Parks and Recreation (on NBC, I believe).  What I saw, and what you are about to see, blew my mind:

 

This, my friends, is the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.  Ron Swanson, a character in the show, used this diagram to coach young children in basketball.  Because I found it amusing, I'll go over some of the more humorous elements of this pyramid.  I'm aware that it's difficult to read some of the smaller writing (this is as large as I could get it), so just click on the picture to see a larger version of it.

I'll examine the implications of a few squares here and there: 

Level One: Poise: "Sting like a bee.  Do not float like a butterfly.  That's ridiculous."
Analysis: Swanson brings up an excellent point here.  Although stinging like a bee is helpful in nearly any situation, floating like a butterfly has never helped anyone.  No one is afraid of butterflies.  Bees kill people.

Level Two: Masonry: "Building walls makes you strong.  Defending them makes you even stronger."
Analysis: Examples - The Great Wall of China, defended against the Mongols.  The wall in my backyard, defended against bears, neighbors, and hobos.

Level Two: Crying: "Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."
Analysis: Swanson ensures that his basketball players will be true men by banning crying in nearly any emotional setting.  All their unexpressed, pent-up emotions will make them play harder, albeit at the expense of their long-term emotional well-being.  He's not their therapist, though, he's their coach.

Level Three: Intensity: "Give 100%.  110% is impossible.  Only idiots recommend that."
Analysis: Thank you, Ron Swanson, for solving one of the great mysteries of modern science.  Why do people say you should give 110% when that would clearly be ridiculous?  If we could give more of something than we have then all of the problems in the world would be solved.

Level Five: Attire: "Shorts over 6" are capri pants.  Shorts under 6" are European."
Analysis:  Shorts. Must. Be. Six. Inches.

Level Five: Skim Milk: "That's right.  It's on here twice.  Avoid it."
Analysis:  Skim milk is clearly the drink of the devil.  It looks like milk, feels like milk, smells like milk, but tastes like water.  The skim milk industry must be brought down.

Level Seven: Weapons, Wood Working, and Welfare Avoidance.
Analysis: Collectively, level seven contains the three pillars of a great man.  Weapons: for protection from enemies, wild animals.  Wood Working:  Allows you to live off the land, make chairs or tables as gifts.  Welfare Avoidance: A true man needs no assistance, particularly from the government.

Level Eight: America: "The only country that matters.  If you want to experience other "cultures," use an atlas or a ham radio."
Analysis: There is a reason people in other countries speak English better than we speak their languages.  It's because America is the greatest country on Earth.  I could learn Chinese if I wanted to.  How would that benefit me?

Level Eight: Buffets: "Whenever available.  Choose quantity over quality."
Analysis:  Another hallmark of American society - anyone in their right mind would choose an unlimited amount of terrible pizza over a few slices of "good" pizza.  There's a reason Cici's Pizza is still in business - fat, intelligent Americans that recognize a good deal when they see it.

Level Nine: Honor: "If you need it defined, you don't have it."
Analysis:  Honor is greatness.  'Nuff said.