As this semester comes to a close, everyone begins to study frantically with the hope of making the move from a high B to an A or a high C to a B. This flurry of studying has shown me that people study in five distinct ways:
1) "The Showman" - This person has been awake for so long studying that they have effectively lost touch with reality. But they do know what they are doing (as does everyone else), because they have been documenting it ad nauseum via Facebook status since they started studying.
How they think they did on the exam: “I totally rocked it, there's no way I get anything less than an A."
How they did on the exam: Failed.
2) "The Peace of Minder" - No one has seen this person outside of school in weeks. They started studying just after Halloween and have not looked back since. Not studying would mean doing frightening things like having fun, enjoying life, or seeing the light of day. Wary of taking these risks, this person studies pretty much constantly leading up to finals, but to be honest no one really notices or cares.
How they think they did on the exam: "Really well."
How they did on the exam: Really well.
3) "The Real Deal" - As far as preparing for a test is concerned, this person has done everything right. They have talked to the teacher, reviewed their notes, converted those notes to flashcards, reviewed those flashcards, scanned the flashcards onto their computer, looked over the professor's study guide, made their own study guide, looked over that study guide, and fulfilled their daily sleeping requirement - every day for the past three weeks.
How they think they did on the exam: “Oh, I most definitely failed.”
How they did on the exam: Aced it.
4) "The 'Got It in the Bag'" - This person feels absolutely no need to study. I mean, they went to all the classes, took the notes, and did the homework. What else is there to do? The only thing this guy has planned is to sit back, relax, and criticize all the “uptight bookworms" by liking their pre-finals panic Facebook statuses. While his classmates try to do some last minute cramming, he is watching the second season of Arrested Development on Netflix. As test time approaches, he will start thinking about maybe “skimming through his notes a bit," but it is too late, the panic attack has already begun.
How they think they did on the exam: (Curls up into a ball and weeps)
How they did on the exam: Did Not Complete (Curled up into a ball and wept)
5) "The Big Man on Campus" - The school's star athlete. Why should he bother studying when he will make millions of dollars as a professional athlete in the near future?
How they think they did on the exam: "What exam?"
How they did on the exam: Passed, with help from an anonymous tutor.
I know what everyone is thinking: What type of studier are you, Alex? I think that answer is better left to the imagination (hint: a rare blend of numbers three, four, and five - I plan to get A's, often curl up into the fetal position and weep, but also will make my millions as a professional athlete), but the more important question is: which type are you?
Alex, I found this post to be very entertaining. Apart from the not passing aspect of number 4, I find myself most relatable to that unfortunate option. I recall stressing out right before most of my tests. I guess I am to blame for not thinking ahead and preparing properly. I serve as a complete foil to you because I am quite certain you are none other than the peace maker. I applaud you for your superfluous efforts.
ReplyDeleteAlexander Kregerson II Esquire,
ReplyDeleteSimply lovely to hear from you again old chap! I found perusing your list to be simply delightful, a true joy among joys, something I would compare to tea and crumpets in the courtyard or reminding women to not speak unless spoken to. I regret to inform you of this, but it appears I fall into category number four, and as such find myself in a bit of a sticky situation come finals week...good thing I only take normal stats...WHOA YEAH
Your faithful compatriot,
Master Dominic Francis Russo IV